


Help, I’m alive

by OhGoshOhJeez



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dissociation, Flashbacks, Kinda, M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Recovery, black outs, hair petting, jay survives, kinda Jay/tim???, operator sickness, post MH AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27037168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhGoshOhJeez/pseuds/OhGoshOhJeez
Summary: Post MH recovery fic.
Relationships: tim wright/jay merrick
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

Tim stared out through the window of the dingy little diner, out into the little dirt track, the treeline. Frost was clinging to the leaves, no doubt the winter air was cold and brittle outside. 

Tim nursed the bitter cup of coffee in his hands, warming them. The tip of his nose was cold and he sniffled, taking another sip.

A shape appeared, a shadow, and at first he jumped, until he saw Jay slouch down in the seat across from him, bags under his eyes, his face pale. Still, he looked better than what he had a few weeks ago. When Tim found him in that dingy-ass school, slumped over, half dead, blood seeping through his shirt, onto his hand, onto the floor. It was a shocking sight to say the least. Jay still had scratches on his legs and arms from Tim dragging him out in a hurry, fearing he was being watched by Alex or The Operator. That both of them could be dead in seconds.

The thought made Tim shiver and shift uncomfortably, Jay didn’t seem to notice, just tiredly pulled out a box of cigarettes, putting one between his lips before raising his eyebrows, then offered one to Tim.

Tim took two and Jay sighed. Tim wanted to say ‘Hey buddy, I saved your life, remember, I can take as many as I want’, but didn’t, knowing that the event was still sore for him. He just huffed a quiet laugh and took out his lighter.

“So you’re a smoker now?” Tim asked, voice still a little rough from sleep.

“Can you blame me?” Jay’s eyes flicked up, a half smile appearing on his lips.

“No, I guess not. Just not something I ever pictured you doing.” Tim leaned over, flicking the metal lighter open with a satisfying  _ Clink _ ! He lit Jay’s cigarette, then his own. Jay took a long draw, not even bothering to take it out of his mouth when he was done, just let it dangle between his lips, exhaling deeply. Tim took a draw of his own, then another sip of his close-to-cold, bitter coffee.

“You order anything?” Jay asked,

“Not hungry.”

“Me either.” Jay shrugged, and leaned his face on his hand, “You figure out where we’re gonna go next yet?”

“It’s not definitive, but I was thinking we could go North. My uh-” Tim stopped, looking down at the table, “My mom lives up there.” 

Jay tried to not react, but immediately his eyebrows raised.

“Oh. I uh- I thought you weren’t that close to your mom.”

“I’m not.” Tim laughed a little, bitterly, “But...I don’t know, it might be nice to see her again.” 

“Aren’t you worried about her getting...Sick?”

Tim froze. Oh. Right. He’d forgotten. 

“...Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t.” 

“We can still go North.” Jay offered. Tim nodded, a little solemnly.

“S’pose so.”

————————————————————

Unsurprisingly, their problems were not solved overnight, and they definitely weren’t solved by the death of Alex, as much as Tim hoped they would be. 

He could still feel the wet, tacky feeling of Alex’s blood clinging to him, the knife heavy in his hands. 

Tim was most of all haunted by the sounds.

Alex spoke his last words between gurgles, the coppery smell of blood filled the air as he choked, gripping his neck so tightly that his knuckles turned white, a last ditch effort at preserving himself. 

He dreamt about it often, waking up in a cold sweat in a dingy hotel room. Sometimes jay woke with him, asked him if he was okay, sometimes he slept through it. 

Jay had nightmares of his own, of course, and they were mostly harmless. 

Tim was, however, concerned about the blackouts. 

He’d had his fair share, and he was glad that he was no longer waking up in compromising situations, like with a broken leg or being miles from home. In fact, he hadn’t had a single black out since he and jay left town. 

Jay was different and it was strange. Tim was used to pulling himself together after the Man in the Mask took his body for a test drive, but he was not used to stopping or preventing it from happening to anyone else, and the ‘drive’ Jay was taken on weekly was more of a crash course than anything else. 

He locked the front door and hid the keys next to a can of soda in the fridge, every sharp object was put in a duffel bag and thrown on top of a wardrobe, and the window was sealed shut after a particularly scary incident with a fire escape and a visit to the hospital. 

The first time it happened after they left town, Tim got the fright of his life.

He’d been up late, unable to sleep, instead busying himself by typing up a log of the previous few days. He checked his watch. 3:30AM. He wiped a hand across his face tiredly. 

There was a creak from behind him that he never even got a chance to register before arms were locking around his neck, his head in the crook of one. He was wrenched from the chair and onto the floor, Tim choked and tried to stand but was swiftly knocked over once again as a boot made contact with his ribs.

He was instantly winded, and almost blacked out a little from the sudden pain and lack of oxygen.

When he finally got his bearings he was clutching the carpet of the hotel floor, surprisingly his attacker had stopped after one blow.

His eyes focused on the man towering over him- Jay. 

“Fuck, Jay, Jesus Christ,” Was all he could manage, “What the hell?!”

When Jay only stared at him blankly, Tim realised what was going on. Jay was expressionless, Tim recognised it. The lack of the mask provided a small comfort, this was his friend, Jay, not some intruder, some monster. Tim could only imagine how Jay felt when he first saw Tim in a similar state.

“Jay-“ He winced in pain as he sat up, got to his knees, then raised his hands, trying to be as slow and non threatening as possible, knowing Jay’s senses and anxiety were in a heightened state.

“Jay, I know you’re confused right now and- and probably scared too,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. 

Jay breathed heavily, his chest rose and fell. 

“Look, what- what will help you right now?” 

Jay’s eyes were still wide, like a deer in headlights, and he pointed towards the front door

“I can’t let you leave Jay, not like this.” Tim slowly got to his feet, pressing a hand against his side, where Jay had booted him.

Jay grunted in annoyance and tried to make his way past, heading for the door, but Tim stopped him. Jay tried to push past but Tim blocked his way, pushing him back a little into the room. 

Jay immediately seemed to panic, thrashing at tim, pounding his fists against his chest in an effort to escape.

Tim held on tight, making sure Jay’s arms were in a position where he couldn’t lash out or hurt himself. It was almost like a hug, but firmer, and as Jay struggled, they sank to the floor, Tim muttering apologies and affirmation to him. 

“You have to stay here, okay? I need to watch you.”

Jay growled, trying to struggle. Tim used one arm to wrap around Jay’s torso, trapping his arms against him, and began to lightly, tentatively stroke his hair with the other. 

Eventually after a few seconds of fruitless attempts at an escape, he relaxed a little in Tim’s arms, his face against the carpet, his eyes still wide, afraid. He was breathing deeply, in and out, slowly calming down. 

To Tim’s surprise, when he finally released his hold, Jay grabbed his hand again, pulling it back to his head. 

When tim squinted in confusion, Jay just made an angry noise and moved his head into Tim’s touch, nuzzling, kind of like a dog.

Tim got the hint and kept playing with his hair until his body sank against the carpet and his eyes slowly closed shut.

When tim was absolutely sure Jay was asleep, he got up, locked the hotel room door, and threw a blanket over Jay’s sleeping form. 

He watched over him until he woke in the morning, dazed and confused, with a bad headache. 

He never told Jay about the hair stroking thing, but now he knew what to do if Jay ever got into that state again. 

And he would, often.


	2. Chapter 2

It all happened in an instant. 

He barely had time to register what was going on, nevermind deal with it in a rational way. 

“Jesus Christ, Jay!” Tim shrieked, his own voice sounded foreign to him as panic rose up in his chest with every breath he took. 

He was taking off his flannel shirt, scrunching it up, pressing it against Jay’s bleeding stomach.

Jay instantly screamed and tried to push him away.

“TIM, IT FUCKING  _ HURTS!”  _ He couldn’t unclench his jaw, he felt cold, clammy, and nauseous. He gagged.

“Please don’t- don’t-“  _ don’t leave me _ “Don’t throw up on your- yourself, turn your head man, god, you’re bleeding a lot.” 

“Tim, TIM, tim it- it burns-“ 

“You’re not burning Jay, you’re fine, I’m getting you out of here.” 

He took one of Jay’s arms, which scrambled helplessly against his shoulder, and hoisted him up from the ground, face turning pale as fresh blood seeped from the wound, dripping onto the floor in a thick, red streak.

“Come on, Jay, can you walk?”

Jay said nothing, he was hyperventilating a little, and his breathing picked up when he looked down at the wound on his stomach, saw all the blood, the outline he’d made with it on the floor.

Tim basically pulled him out of the room, supporting him enough to limp down the hallway.

“T-Tim if I-“ He paused to cough, and Tim tried to hide his alarm when he choked up blood and spit onto the floor.

“Stop talking.” He said, as firmly as he could. Jay wheezed out a delirious laugh.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of Tim’s neck stood up, a chill ran down his spine, and a knot of pain began forming in his skull. He knew Jay felt it too because he gasped and clutched at his head.

Tim braved a glance behind them and saw-

  
  


STATIC 

SHADOW 

PAIN 

CORRUPT-

NO-

Tim squeezed his eyes shut and desperately picked up the pace, but Jay couldn’t keep up, his feet dragging against the floor as Tim moved them towards the exit, panicked, as the figure advanced on them.

“ _ Shit _ !!  _ SHIT! _ Come on Jay, almost there,” 

He felt Jay slipping, his body heavy and lax. He was reminded of the time in the tunnel when-

NO EXIT

FACELESS

TOWERING

STATIC-

And Jay had tried to pull him out, but

VOID

DEAD END-

Jay was on the floor, and Tim didn’t even have time to pick him up, the figure practically breathing down his neck-

DIAL TONE 

He grabbed Jay’s arms and dragged him down the hall. Jay’s eyes opened momentarily and he saw, down the hallway, standing, brooding, dangerous, the Operator. He screamed. 

He screamed until his voice was raw. His vision shook and warped, there was a trail of blood smeared down the white floor as Tim dragged him out. 

He could barely believe it when they made it outside, felt the rain hitting his face in his haze of half consciousness. Tim slammed the doors shut and Jay swore he could hear a frustrated howl from the other side.

There was a brief moment of silence, of stillness. Jay was lying on his back, looking up at the sky. If Tim was talking, he couldn’t hear it, his ears ringing too badly.

He felt himself being picked up and put somewhere soft. He clutched at the seat of Tim’s car.

“I don’t have...My seatbelt on....” He said, then blacked out completely.

  
  
  



End file.
